Amondi Oware
Where does an almost 30 years old who works night shifts and sleeps for the better part of the day meet a life long partner?
I got my answer as I watched an episode on Just Angie on YouTube. The episode is titled newly weds perspective on marriage and one of the men said with his chest that he met his wife on Bumble. Ping! Light bulb moment. I quickly downloaded Bumble on my phone and within three days of left and right swipes, I couldn’t help but wonder why I have never tried dating apps before.
After a week of conversations with multiple men, I finally pulled out that pretty dress that I saved for a proper date. The date was in Westlands. Different emotions and thoughts started running in my mind on my ride there. We are in the thick of the End Femicide KE campaigns and I’m on my way to meet a man I liked based on his pictures and captivating bio.
According to various reports, most victims of femicide and gender- based violence are targeted through dating apps by their perpetrators. The story of Starlet Wahu, the 26-year-old model who was stabbed to death in a BnB in Nairobi’s South B by a guy she met through a dating app still lingers fresh in my mind. She was probably excited at the potential of meeting her life long partner as I was in that uber to Westy not knowing that a serial killer waited on the other side.
My date went well. He was not my life partner but he told great stories that I still share with my friends. He was not a serial killer either, at least I could not tell from one date. Navigating online dating as a woman in the thick of femicide and gender-based violence is a tricky affair. There are many things to consider before physically meeting a person you met online, especially the fact that your security is solely your responsibility. You never know anyone’s intentions. And even though many may argue that we should insist to meet in public places, I feel like men who are violent towards women have been enabled so much by society that it does not matter where you meet them.
I have since taken a break from online dating, mostly because I would overthink my safety. There were other reasons like the perception around women on dating apps. I feel like most men on dating apps assume that the women there are always up for casual sex. So much so that there is still stigma attached to being on dating apps. There are also crazy stories on Tiktok of men luring women to satisfy their kinks and fetishes to a point of causing bodily harm. Most women do not report such cases because of shame and being blamed for choosing to be on those apps.
According to Statista Market Forecast, the Kenyan online dating market is still relatively small in revenue (projected at around US 377.6 K in 2025) and remains modest in usage. User penetration is at just 1.8% in 2025, expected to reach only 1.9% by 2029. This means that many Kenyans are still not willing to pay certain amount of money to use dating apps or most don’t believe in finding lasting connections online. I personally found the subscription rates of Bumble expensive for a common mwananchi. The requirement to pay $11.00 (1400 KES) per week and $40.00 (5175 KES) per month is a bit much. Maybe this is one of the factors affecting the usage of online dating apps in Kenya.
In conclusion, there is excitement around the potential of meeting a life partner on dating apps from the few success stories but there is also greater fear and stigma around it especially for women. It will take time for many in Kenya and Africa to fully embrace dating apps. This means we have more work to do in ensuring safety and affordability to all.
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